She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
