i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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