my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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