We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
