You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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