all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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