Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
