If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
