she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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