Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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