She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
