look no pants
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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