The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
