well you can't waste a boner
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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