Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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