If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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