where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
