That's when you crack a 10am beer
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
