i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
