Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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