Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
