mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
