Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
