Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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