we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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