What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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