Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
