Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
