I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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