The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
