this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
