Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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