You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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