your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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