Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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