I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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