I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
