I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
