do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
