Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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