allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
