he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
