i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
