i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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