I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
