she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
