I think I won the penis lottery.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
