Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
