i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
