She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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