We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
